Children's sarcasm and back talk: How to nip it in the bud
After school, my children love to watch TV. What's alarming is that a lot of kid's TV shows promote sarcasm and back talk. Our children are encouraged to develop one-upmanship, push the boundaries, and say whatever comes to mind, even if it hurts someone else's feelings or is downright rude.
On TV, the characters who are selfish, mean-spirited, conniving, deceitful and crafty emerge as the winners. They make us laugh. They get away with breaking the rules. Wow, they're powerful. Somehow they manage to out-do everyone else.
In reality, the opposite is true. A child who goes against the rules, cops a bad attitude and is foul-mouthed doesn't fool anyone. They're offensive and nobody likes them. They get caught. They develop a bad reputation. The word gets around that they're a troublemaker and should be avoided at all costs. This type of "type casting" is hard to break away from.
Of course, there are exceptions. There are times when children need to stand up for themselves. The "old school" of parenting insists that children submit to authority, do what they're told, and never question it. If that were true, a child who was being kidnapped, molested, bullied or mistreated would just go along with it. After all, the "adult" doing the damage is older than them, and supposedly knows better.
Children shouldn't be expected to swallow or stuff their feelings. There are times when children should stand up for themselves. They should express their feelings. But they need to do it in a respectful and polite way.
Imagine this scenario. Your first grader refuses to go to bed. When
you turn off the TV, he starts kicking and karate chopping. He screams, "Take that, you evil mom!"
The key to handling back talk is stay calm and levelheaded. Don't get angry. Begin by acknowledging his feelings: "I understand that you're mad, and don't want to go to bed. But the way you're acting just isn't acceptable."
If you're creative, you might suggest a situation where just behavior would be acceptable: "Now if I were a bad guy trying to kidnap you, then you should kick and scream like this...but to act like this towards your Mom, who loves you and takes care of you.... that just isn't right!"
Another idea is to lighten the situation with a little humor, "Hey, I recognize this behavior from 'Hong Kong Phooey.' That's fine on Cartoon Network but it's not the way to treat your Mom." Remind your child why such behavior is not acceptable. "You need to talk to me in a polite and respectful way. You're being rude and that's not appropriate now."
Lastly, ask your child to rephrase or express himself in an acceptable way. When he does so, praise your child for speaking respectfully. Remember to stick to your guns. He still needs to go to bed. "Tomorrow is another day, but I so proud that you're my son." With a little effort, you will regained a sense of balance in your home and un-do the rudeness and sarcasm that your child has learned from cartoons on TV.
About the Author
Nicky Vanvalkenburgh offers practical tips and techniques effective parenting. Check out her website at http://www.20minutestolessstress.com/
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